I usually don't care for people who can't speak good english. I can, you can't, we both live in a retarded country. It's all cool.

What I do care about, is when you speak bad english to ME.

I mean, can't you at least speak decent english?

how about chinese? I can do pretty decent chinese. what, not that either?

Just a little?

No?

Please kill yourself now.

And even then i've learned to tolerate. Being surrounded by the vocally-disabled has taught me to take it all and smile.

You'll all be my slaves one day anyway.

*cough*

But today, today language just got ripped to shreds.
It's like being shot with a shotgun then smacked in the face with a chainsaw.
And then teabagged a few times over.

I don't even know if I can call it language anymore. Couple that with the standard signs of retardation, and we have a winner.

Except replace 'winner' with 'complete retard'.

I was minding my own business, reading more articles on

http://www.howstuffworks.com/ (It's become my new hobby at work) when i turned over to see this uncle guy waving at me.

I had a bad feeling right away that things were about to turn retarded. Ugh.

Firo: "Good evening, can i help you?"
Uncle: "asdfkjrefcvr Cover asldkjhfd that?"
Firo: ....
Firo: "Excuse me?"
Uncle: "lyuopnwcgv Phone dasfg design?"

By now, i was very confused, and getting more irritated by the second. What the hell is this, Timbuktu?!

But i wasn't about to let one moron bring me down. I reasoned that since we were talking on opposite ends of a display case, he must want a skin for the phone that he's waving around.

I will learn later how wrong i was.

Firo: "So... you want a skin for your phone yes?"
Uncle: *nods* "dfgklfhre."
Firo: "Uh, right... mind if i take a look at that phone?"

The phone has one of those stupid protective transparent casings that make your phone bulkier. Remember this, it will be important.

Also, the damn thing was ridiculously hard to remove. I gave up after some time.

Firo: "Yeap, we can skin this. Hang on a sec, let me just--"

Something struck me. I don't know if it was me developing retard-sense, but i had to ask something first.

Firo: "Erm, sir, do you want to skin the casing or your phone?"
Uncle: "Har? No just give me this one now adfkghfgfd."
Firo: "...Excuse me? You... want that?"
Uncle: "Ya, just give me this casing and take out that one."
Firo: "Casing?"

Oh...
Oh no.
No no no.
The one time he says something i can understand, i realized just how much more retarded this creature is.

This is a skinning shop.
I work at a skinning shop.
We are both in a skinning shop.
These are skinned display phones you are pointing at.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?

HOW THE HELL DOES THIS ->

LOOK ANYTHING LIKE A CASING YOU CAN JUST SLAP ONTO YOUR PHONE?

I think my brain died a little right there.

Firo: "Sir, these are not casings. We do skinning here. These are skins."
Uncle: "Har? Skin? What is skin?"

...Need... to reach for... knife...

Firo: "Skinning. basically, we take your phone and vacuum wrap it with these films that have designs printed on it."
Uncle: "Har? Ah, just do it. I want this design here."
Firo: "Okaay... on both sides?"
Uncle: "Ya."
Firo: "Riiiight. Hang on a sec."

I turn to get the receipt book when something struck me again.

I'm getting pretty good at this.

Firo: "Oh, sir, it will take about 2 hours to finish this."
Uncle: "2 hours!?"
Firo: "Yes, 2 hours."
Uncle: "Why so long? sdfkjhg gsdfljhg fldgjhsklfjh can't you just stick it on?"
Firo: "...Were you dropped at some point in your life?"
Uncle: "Har?"
Firo: "No, i'm afraid we have to take 2 hours."
Uncle: "asdkjhgfdaskjnbvcgfklhtriklo Can't do it in half an hour?"


Schyeah half an hour. If he shot himself, sure.

Firo: "Nope, that's impossible."
Uncle: "lsdjhfdsf rehgcxkljbdgf..."
Firo: "Sorry. Bye."

Look, this is a very simple equation.

Audible language + understanding of where the hell you are = Happy Firo.

If you are going to talk, don't talk to me like you ate grenades not long ago. If you are going to want something, the very LEAST you could do was to know/find out what it is. If you are going to piss me off, do both of us a favor and kill yourself beforehand.

Now go eat some grenades. I hear they taste like green tea.