I usually don't care for people who can't speak good english. I can, you can't, we both live in a retarded country. It's all cool.

What I do care about, is when you speak bad english to ME.

I mean, can't you at least speak decent english?

how about chinese? I can do pretty decent chinese. what, not that either?

Just a little?

No?

Please kill yourself now.

And even then i've learned to tolerate. Being surrounded by the vocally-disabled has taught me to take it all and smile.

You'll all be my slaves one day anyway.

*cough*

But today, today language just got ripped to shreds.
It's like being shot with a shotgun then smacked in the face with a chainsaw.
And then teabagged a few times over.

I don't even know if I can call it language anymore. Couple that with the standard signs of retardation, and we have a winner.

Except replace 'winner' with 'complete retard'.

I was minding my own business, reading more articles on

http://www.howstuffworks.com/ (It's become my new hobby at work) when i turned over to see this uncle guy waving at me.

I had a bad feeling right away that things were about to turn retarded. Ugh.

Firo: "Good evening, can i help you?"
Uncle: "asdfkjrefcvr Cover asldkjhfd that?"
Firo: ....
Firo: "Excuse me?"
Uncle: "lyuopnwcgv Phone dasfg design?"

By now, i was very confused, and getting more irritated by the second. What the hell is this, Timbuktu?!

But i wasn't about to let one moron bring me down. I reasoned that since we were talking on opposite ends of a display case, he must want a skin for the phone that he's waving around.

I will learn later how wrong i was.

Firo: "So... you want a skin for your phone yes?"
Uncle: *nods* "dfgklfhre."
Firo: "Uh, right... mind if i take a look at that phone?"

The phone has one of those stupid protective transparent casings that make your phone bulkier. Remember this, it will be important.

Also, the damn thing was ridiculously hard to remove. I gave up after some time.

Firo: "Yeap, we can skin this. Hang on a sec, let me just--"

Something struck me. I don't know if it was me developing retard-sense, but i had to ask something first.

Firo: "Erm, sir, do you want to skin the casing or your phone?"
Uncle: "Har? No just give me this one now adfkghfgfd."
Firo: "...Excuse me? You... want that?"
Uncle: "Ya, just give me this casing and take out that one."
Firo: "Casing?"

Oh...
Oh no.
No no no.
The one time he says something i can understand, i realized just how much more retarded this creature is.

This is a skinning shop.
I work at a skinning shop.
We are both in a skinning shop.
These are skinned display phones you are pointing at.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?

HOW THE HELL DOES THIS ->

LOOK ANYTHING LIKE A CASING YOU CAN JUST SLAP ONTO YOUR PHONE?

I think my brain died a little right there.

Firo: "Sir, these are not casings. We do skinning here. These are skins."
Uncle: "Har? Skin? What is skin?"

...Need... to reach for... knife...

Firo: "Skinning. basically, we take your phone and vacuum wrap it with these films that have designs printed on it."
Uncle: "Har? Ah, just do it. I want this design here."
Firo: "Okaay... on both sides?"
Uncle: "Ya."
Firo: "Riiiight. Hang on a sec."

I turn to get the receipt book when something struck me again.

I'm getting pretty good at this.

Firo: "Oh, sir, it will take about 2 hours to finish this."
Uncle: "2 hours!?"
Firo: "Yes, 2 hours."
Uncle: "Why so long? sdfkjhg gsdfljhg fldgjhsklfjh can't you just stick it on?"
Firo: "...Were you dropped at some point in your life?"
Uncle: "Har?"
Firo: "No, i'm afraid we have to take 2 hours."
Uncle: "asdkjhgfdaskjnbvcgfklhtriklo Can't do it in half an hour?"


Schyeah half an hour. If he shot himself, sure.

Firo: "Nope, that's impossible."
Uncle: "lsdjhfdsf rehgcxkljbdgf..."
Firo: "Sorry. Bye."

Look, this is a very simple equation.

Audible language + understanding of where the hell you are = Happy Firo.

If you are going to talk, don't talk to me like you ate grenades not long ago. If you are going to want something, the very LEAST you could do was to know/find out what it is. If you are going to piss me off, do both of us a favor and kill yourself beforehand.

Now go eat some grenades. I hear they taste like green tea.

Really.
Stop asking me stupid questions and telling me stupid things.

Just, stop.

Im surprised this country isn't killing itself yet, considering the amount of stupidity around. I was working today at the Digiskin in Cathay, where Kaden (the senior trainer) and I were reading some very interesting random things on http://www.howstuffworks.com/.
Like ESP.
And Nostrodamus.
And how scientific proof shows that the human brain is fully operational, contrary to the '10% used' theory.

Damn, they needed some Singaporean test subjects.

Sometime around 4pm, this couple walked in complaining that the skins on their iphones are coming off.

Now, normally, this situation starts with them walking in and asking if we can fix this.
We would then immediately follow with a simple yes.
We're sorry, you're happy, everything is well.

...How i wished the guy was normal.

He literally storms into the shop and demand we explain ourselves.
I shall refer to this guy as 'Moron1' from now on.

Moron1: "Explain to me why the skins are coming off."

...A good day to you too.

Firo: "Excuse me?"
Moron1: "My iPhone. See?"

He proceeds to shove his iphone in my face, showing me how this area no larger than a quarter of my thumb is loose.

A quarter.
Of my thumb.
Urge to attack Moron1 rising.

Moron1: "Why did it come off? And my girlfriend one also. You people said it can last a year."
Girl: "And it's only been a month too."
Firo: "Can i take a look at that?"

At this point i actually turned to Kaden for help. I even had the whole 'Help me GTFO of this crap!' look to get the message through.

He sits there examining the girl's iPhone.
Damned bastard.

Firo: "Well, usually this shouldn't happen. It should last at least 6 months if done properly. Also, iPhones are also known to be harder to grip due the rounded corners. We could--"
Moron1: "Why didn't you tell us that when we came the last time?"

...Urge to attack Moron1 rising further.

Firo: "I have no idea. I wasn't the one who did these, and i wasn't around either."
Moron1: "So you're saying if you did it it would be better?"
Firo: "What? No, i meant there might have been some problems during the process of the skinning."
Moron1: "How am i suppose to trust your products now?"
Moron1: "These are lousy skins."

...Did, did he just insult us?
Oh that son of a bitch.
If Kaden hadn't said something, i would've had a little chat with Mr.Upset.

Will all the nice shiny knives on the table between us as friendly gifts.

Kaden: "We can help remake these for you again, and hopefully this time it will last longer."
Moron1: "...Oh really?"
Girl: "Great."
Kaden: "Just come back around... 6pm? Thanks."
Moron1: "Okay then."

......What?

What in the 18 fiery blazes of Hell just...

Oh that damned bastard.



---------Fast forward---------



After work i went over to Long John's for some dinner. By then i was very hungry.
And I don't just mean famish hungry. I mean give me food now or you'll pay hungry.

So i jumped into line, ready to order that 'Hot Deal' meal that conveniently fits into my budget so beautifully. It was like we were fated to be together, my stomach and it. Unfortunately, the counter staff had other ideas.

I shall refer to this guy as 'Moron2' from now on.

Now, there was but one other person in front of me.
One.
...Damn. Too many onlookers, murder too risky. Ah well. Technically, this one guy can't possibly take more than another minute. He was here before I walked in. This will be a short wait, right?

Right?

...Sigh. Singaporeans.

Moron2, who was serving my line (read: my set of two), was talking to the guy in front of me. Talking. For 5 minutes.

I started wondering how i could remove both of these retards without anyone seeing me.

Okay, calm down. Maybe the guy has a ridiculously large order. Maybe he's the kind of asshole customer who has so many special orders you could drown in his requests.
That much i could understand. If i weren't dying of hunger.

Moron2 finally decides to get down to getting the guy his order. I finally figure out how to shove his head up his ass.

Turning around, he picks up a plastic take-away box, and slowly puts some vegetables and sauce into it.

Let me highlight just how excruciating it was to watch him.

SLOWLY.

It was like watching the entire double trilogy of Star Wars without all the shiny stuff.
Can you just imagine that? Pure torture.

3 people had gotten by me on the queue next to me.
Firo is not happy.

After World War 3, he shuts the box, turns around, and puts it on the tray.

...And... that's it.

Guy pays and leaves.

...DID YOU HAVE TO TAKE 50 YEARS FOR THAT!?
I need to shoot this idiot now...

No, wait, where is he going with those tiny cups of sauces? Is he not taking my orders? What the...

Oh that son of a bitch.

He even dared to smile when he came back.

I need a dragon. Fast. And preferably non-Singaporean.